On 2001-08-08 13:48, Shane Kropf wrote:
Fear is a good thing - as is anger. Both can keep you alive, but it is how you are trained to react when those emotions present themselves, that will determine who lives, and who dies. A soldier cannot show fear in the face of the enemy. Civilians have a little more grace with regard to that emotion. A civilian can be very scared, and run away if he so decides. A civilian must realize too, that if he has no where to run, he should have plan B ready and operational.
I would submit that planning is really training; failing to do either will kill you if your attacker has done his planning and training and luck is with him/her.
That said, I honestly feel that luck often plays a very large part in the equation, it does not take a skilled man to kill a very skilled man some times luck will prevail and ultimately that is the "scary" part.
As to mindset, for me in my youth I was cursed/blessed with an extremely strong will and powerful temper, training taught me to focus that temper and project it onto my enemies.
This helped tremendously as the first time I was involved in a lethal confrontation their was absolutely no doubt in my mind "They were going to die! I will destroy them, I am unstoppable!"
As to fear, I can only comment on what I have witnessed, in combat I have witnessed grown highly trained men that were terrified once after a series of explosions I looked over at a team member who had urinated in his pants, while he was shooting/returning fire and I remember one seasoned combat veteran in particular who screamed like a girl while he shot three soldiers dead at point blank range.
Personally, it is in my dreams that I have always been full of doubt and actually felt my fear.
For several years after the last incident it would replay in my head at night and would always turn on me and end badly.
In some dreams my trigger was so heavy I could not pull it and the BG would empty his gun into me, at other times he would shoot through my hard cover.
After some time they seem to fade away but often in quiet moments my daydreams and fear will return for a few moments as something will catch my eye or remind me of the incidents.
As to the stress, waiting for the "go" orders I believe is the most difficult and stressful part of the equation, hearing my own heart beating erratically, my own breath seemed so vivid and loud, my hands shaking, my voice was gone, as we sat very quietly waiting for the orders to engage the targets.
At times I can remember the smell of the foods, the colognes, and perfumes, the textures of the walls as I very slowly and quietly made my way, stalking into position.
I will say that when I rethink these events a sense of stress, or anxiety returns quickly, I do not feel guilt, just out of place. It is at these times that I wish I could go back and do something differently, have become a scientist or a lawyer.
I would prefer at times to have never learned these lessons and I realize how narrow the “gap” really is, it was close, very close.
Was I right? I believe so, at that time I followed orders and did my job.
Very different then defending myself from a criminal attacker as a civilian.
I have little doubt or morality issues but I do think about it each time I overhear a conversation by well meaning individuals or read a misguided “survival” article.
This for me causes stress.
During the confrontations the only thoughts in my mind were very direct, very hateful, and very much lacking any type of restraint, hating and destroying the target went hand in hand and training may or may not have helped I actually have little idea as I did what "came to me".
After being involved in a “civilian” or non-military shooting I can honestly say that I do not remember thinking about anything, no fear, no anger, just action and it was over.
I know that being inside someone else’s head is an odd place, but these are my thoughts on the issue.
I hope they help.
). The effects of stress come later. I remember standing over a guy I'd just sent to judgement and noticed my legs shaking with "juice". I remember thinking, "hey adrenaline! cool!".
