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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A while back Dane had a topic or two involving his "hog" pistol. It was, to summarize heavily, a very functional and nice enough looking pistol that was actually assembled from floor sweepings from his shop. :grin:

http://www.pistolsmith.com/viewtopic.ph ... 32&forum=4

To ordinary fools like me, it still looked pretty darn nice in the photographs. So if that's the "Hog," I thought, am I shooting, a "Feral Pig"? And what would be a "Warthog"?

[AMT/IAI/whoever already took "Javelina," and bad QC isn't the kind of ugly I had in mind :grin: ]

The answer: a pistol made to function as optimally a possible, while looking not just stock but APPALLINGLY UGLY. So consider this:

WARTHOG(tm) -- The Complete Tactical Elite Stealth Package may save your life and will definitely fool your friends and win bets on the range!



Only built on carbon steel Colt 1991A1 with butt-ugly "1991A1" markings.

WARTHOG-GUTS(tm): pistol tuned and internal parts replaced as necessary for complete reliability; like its namesake your WARTHOG is guaranteed to digest ANYTHING.
WARTHOG-FEET(tm): 3.5-5lb trigger job (specified by customer), with stock trigger pad and hammer retained for stock appearance.
WARTHOG-SNOUT(tm): Bar-Sto match barrel fitted, then all Bar-Sto markings removed and extra pitting to visible surfaces added.
WARTHOG-EYES(tm): modification of stock Colt sights for better sight picture; new white dots that won't fall out added.
WARTHOG-SKIN(tm): proprietary finish; frame & slide given really coarse bead-blasting and an extremely foul, uneven black finish applied that provides outstanding corrosion resistance.
WARTHOG-GRIP(tm): stock Colt plastic grip panels receive a special treatment to add additional pitting and discoloration.



Options:
WARTHOG-MANGE(tm): Select Hogue Handall wrap-around rubber grips with faux rubber rot texturing added.
WARTHOG-GULLETS(tm): We start with Colt blued 8-round magazines. They are stripped, Wolff XP magazine springs are added, and they are tuned for complete reliability. They are then re-finished with NP3 and fake rust is added.
WARTHOG-GULLETS(tm) STAGE II: As above, with ugly pre-chipped base pads added.
WARTHOG-SQUEALER(tm): A special device added to the mainspring housing causes the WARTHOG to rattle 50% louder than the sloppiest GI 1911 ever in service.
WARTHOG-COZY(tm): These are actually extremely high quality holsters branded with the WARTHOG logo. For reasons of his personal dignity, we can't tell you who made this fantastic gunleather.

_________________
CastleBravo
Visit The Pit: http://www.geocities.com/mr_motorhead/

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: CastleBravo on 2001-11-08 15:31 ]</font>
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Seriously, aside from the joke trademarks and ugliness-enhancing options, why not? Might be neat to have a truly stock-looking "basic" 1911 that, functionally, actually could kick everyone's butt.
 

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I have thought about that for a long time.
The problem is, I am not a good enough shot to make the reverse snobbery work. Not with a pistol, I can occasionally surprise a Perazzi shooter with my Remington 1100 trap gun.
 

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A friend of mine did this with a butt-ugly Remington-Rand/Essex Frankenstein gun. He scraped the parts together from his junk bin and had a retired AMU gunsmith put it together with a NM barrel and bushing. Ugly as the underside of a mud fence and chewed holes in his hand from the hammer, but LORD would that gun shoot! Had about a 2.5 pound reliable trigger and fed empty cases. Never saw the like...

Wayne Miller
 

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CB...you crack me up!

Thing is...my pistol is already so ugly, I don't need any "fake" help!!!

Nice of you to think of it though!ROFLMAO
 

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How would this be CB? Plain jane Colt from the early '70s. 3# trigger, NM sights, Colt barrel and 7/8" from a Ransom rest at 25 yards. Just a little message to get there :grin:

How about a cute "Wart hog" :grin:

Ivory shouldn't put them off:)

Or one of these, both from 1927.



The polished version, a '27 National Match gun, by Colt that will do 1" on a Ransom rest @ 25 yards "box stock".


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Dane Burns on 2001-11-11 02:02 ]</font>
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Dane,

Either you are using this as a shameless excuse to pimp more gun-porn to the slavering masses, or you have a really bad eye for a schweinpistolen.

:grin:
 

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Hey man! I think Warthogs are cute and they have a fair set of ivory as your picture clearly indicates :grin:

Life is too short to use a really ugly pistol :grin:
 
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