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388 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A young man in the Old West wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. He

practiced every day, but knew he was still missing something that would make

him the best. One night, as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old

man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. So

the young fella went over to the old man and told him his dream.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "I have a suggestion that is

sure to help."

"Tell me, tell me," said the young man.

"Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"Definitely," said the old man. The young gunman did what he was told, then

in a flash he drew his gun and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"Wow, that really helped. Do you have any more suggestions?"

"Yeah, if you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer hits,

the gun will come out smoother."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"It sure will," said the old man. The young guy did what he was told, drew

his gun in a blur and shot the cufflink off the piano player.

"This is really helping me. Is there anything else you can share with me?"

"One more thing," said the old man, "Get that can of axle grease over there

in the corner, and rub it all over your gun."

The young man didn't hesitate but started putting the grease just on the

barrel of the gun. "No, the whole gun, handle and everything," said the old


"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"No," said the old man, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that piano

he's going to shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much."

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383 Posts
That is a good joke.

An old Arizona cowboy was on vacation in Spain, taking in the sights. At dinner one evening in a very respectable reasuarant, he noticed the man next to him get his dinner. It looked familiar and smelled fabulous.

He asked his waiter what the gentleman was having and the waiter replied, " Ah Senor, the gentleman is having the testicles of the bull from todays earlier bullfight and it is a very good choice."

The Arizonan told his waiter he would also like to order that for his entre. The waiter replied, " I am very sorry Senor, but there is only one fight a day and the gentlemans meal was all there was. You may however, return tomorrow and have this entre if you reserve it today." This the Arizonan did.

the next day he arrived promptly for his dinner. The waiter came with his requested order and left. The Arizonan took a bit and it was just as delicious as described. As the waiter happened by, the Arizonan called to him. The waiter, asked him if everything was satisfactory. The Arizonan replied, " Well yes, these are absolutley the most delicious testicles I have ever eaten, but they do seem to be quite a bit smaller than the ones the gentleman from last evening had gotten."

The waiter replied, "Well Senor, sometimes the bull, he wins."

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345 Posts
Well, if you INSIST on telling ancient ones.....
Overheard outside the Oval Office during the last administration:
"No, no, Monica, 'blow' is just a figure of speech!"


Rosie O explaining an outburst from her motel room at 2 AM to an interviewer:
"When I yelled 'Did you guys get your gun?' I was refering to something entirely different..."
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