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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved,
and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver
a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe
daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's
pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about
your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

19. Your friends love you anyway.

20. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
 

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Yeah, with 40 sneakin' up on me, I've pretty much learned (and agree with) most of these statements. I'm still havin' problems with that steak knife thing, however. I am making great strides to overcoming it though. :wink:
 

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On 2001-05-10 09:58, Peter Zahn wrote:
. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Maybe so, but still some excellent points to remember.
 

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I don't claim them to be original, but as I approach sixty, I have adopted the following guidelines:

1) Never pass up an opportunity to urinate.
2) Never trust a fart.
3) Never waste an erection.

It works for me. :lol:

David

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: David Cosby on 2001-05-10 19:54 ]</font>
 

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On 2001-05-10 09:58, Peter Zahn wrote:
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
'AM NOT :roll:

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Dane Burns on 2001-05-10 21:33 ]</font>
 

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On 2001-05-10 21:33, Dane Burns wrote:
[quote:2vo83ns6]
On 2001-05-10 09:58, Peter Zahn wrote:
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
'AM NOT :roll:

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Dane Burns on 2001-05-10 21:33 ]</font>
[/quote:2vo83ns6]

I think that remains to be seen. :grin:
 

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ROFL!
:grin:
Hey David,
RE: Point number 2, "Never trust a fart." What's the matter, don't care for the Trouser Chili Suprise?

The Law of the Grunt...
Never stand up when you can sit down.
Never sit down when you can lay down.
Never lay down without going to sleep.


Never try to teach a pig to sing. You will only waste your time and annoy the pig.
 

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at a certain age we may forget to close the zipper after going to the bathroom, a few years later we may forget to open the zipper BEFORE going to the bathroom. :lol:
 
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