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555 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Two men are driving through Houston, Texas when they get pulled over by a
Houston Police Officer. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his
nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him
in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"
The cop answers, "You're in Houston, Texas boy. When we pull you over, you
better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says,
"I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here." The cop runs a check on
the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks
around to the passenger side, and taps on the window. The passenger rolls
down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the
nightstick. The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?" The cop says,
"Just making your wish come true." The passenger asks, "Making what wish
come true?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're
gonna say to your buddy, "I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!

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Cop in L.A. pulls over a driver for a California Roll(not making full stop at stop sign).

The driver berates the cop. "What the #@$ difference does it make if I just slow down and not stop completely!?"

The cop takes his PR24 baton and starts whacking the guy over the head repeatedly and asks, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

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893 Posts
How about this one:

The U.S. Govt. conducts a test to see which is the best law enforcement agency in the country. The CIA, FBI and LAPD participates. To test them, a rabbit is set loose into the forest to see which group can find the rabbit in the shortest time.

First up is the CIA. They pay animal observers and informants for leads and send field operatives in for a search. After two weeks and millions of dollars they determine that rabbits don't exist.

Next up is the FBI. After a brief standoff, they burn the entire forest, killing everything in it including the rabbit. They make no apologies, the rabbit had it coming.

Finally, the LAPD takes a turn. They go in and after 20 minutes they are dragging out a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Ok. I'm a rabbit. I'm a rabbit."

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57 Posts
OK, so a Tennessee State Trooper falls in behind a speeder and, after a considerable distance, pulls this fellow over. He admonishes the driver for taking so long to pull over and starts to write a citation. Just as he notes the time he realizes it's almost time for shift change so he tells the driver "I'm just about ready to go home for the day. If I write you up I'll have to do the paperwork and end up late for supper. So, if you can come up a really good excuse that I've never heard before, I might let you off with a warning".

The driver thinks for a moment and says "Well officer it's like this. Last week my wife of 13 years ran off with a State Trooper much like yourself. And I swear I thought you were trying to bring her back!"


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781 Posts
1 Bob Smith, my assistant gunsmith, can always be found
2 hard at work at his bench. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to shop supervisor, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.


That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd
numbered lines. :smile:

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34 Posts
Since we are off subject....Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying.

The same reason a dog chases a car he has no intention of driving.
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